decode.

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Struggle

“I love food. I hate food. It’s love and hate at the same time. Obsessing and repulsing. Two complete opposite emotions focused on the same topic. Eating. I want to eat, I am hungry, I love food, it’s good and tasty. I don’t want to eat, I want to be skinny, I hate food and how it makes me feel. My mind can’t handle the back and forth. I give in to one side. Most usually it’s the eating side. I say, “Whatever,” and just eat honestly whatever. Then, it turns into a binge. Then I can’t stop. Then I feel horrible, depressed, fail. Or I do the opposite. Just don’t start eating, and I won’t lose control. Don’t put anything in my mouth, and everything will be okay. I’ll be okay. But I am not okay. I need to eat. Everyone needs to eat to live. So the problem isn’t the food. The problem is the MIND STRUGGLE that I go through every time I am faced food.”